Hey Ladies,
This post is going to be a little different. I love posting all the elements and emojis to make my page “pretty”, but the truth is I started this space for a very specific reason. It was to speak to the woman who are where I’ve been and to let you know that it gets better. Much better. And yes, this space does focus on money – because it’s one of the most important tools that can affect the quality of your choices. But what really made me start to “get it together” financially?
What started my life transformation began after a 3-year relationship that left me traumatized for years after. Every imaginable way to be abused was my reality – including financial abuse. And after so long, I became numb. It was like an out of body experience. There are actual moments I cannot remember. At times I find it hard to explain. I was consciously aware of what was happening and even why I was allowing it to carry on for so long, but I felt addicted to the drama and the fear of being alone. If I’m being honest, it didn’t start with him. It ended with him. I had always attracted someone that was a bit aggressive and overbearing. A lot of it has to do with childhood trauma. It’s kind of weird. My dad was a great provider. He held an executive position for the first half of my childhood and then ran a successful business long after I graduated high school. But I had always been a sensitive child. What I had in abundance in material things, I lacked that much more in emotional connection. I craved it so much that when I had my first relationship as an adult, I didn’t necessarily question if my mate was making money in a nontraditional way😏.
Why? Because money didn’t mean anything to me. I was always told I was smart. I loved learning. I knew I could make money on my own. I wanted affection.
What I didn’t know was that just because I had good work ethic and degrees and ambition – it was not enough. My lack of self-worth sabotaged my accomplishments. I have had a job in about every kind of environment you can think of – retail, warehouse, corporate office, working with a small business owner, and being an entrepreneur. I’ve been promoted at every position. There was even one job that created the position for me because I was already doing it. Not because I wanted the promotion, but because my “business” mind naturally thinks LEAN. So, I’m always searching for the more efficient way. But what I didn’t know was that all of that “head down and elbows up” work style was not enough.
Every morning, I would start in tears. I would have to encourage myself to focus on the day, to try to get lost in the work. But my personal life was in such shambles that it was hard to hide. I distinctly remember being at a gas station talking to the clerk and tears running down my face. Mind you, I wasn’t boo-hooing. It was just that my body was so traumatized from the mental stress. And no matter what any job tells you, when building a personal brand your personal life has to stay outside of the office.
I remember what happened that made the relationship over finally. And guess what it was? I was fired from my job. At first, I thought, “I have to be cursed! This is just one more thing!!“. But it ended up being a blessing in disguise🙏🏽. No job meant no income. No income meant no way to keep my apartment. And because he was allergic to work my appeal to him took a drastic dive. I was 40 years old raising my son who is on the spectrum, and I had to move us back in with my mom.
This was not easy!
Let’s just say my mom and I had our own issues, but she wouldn’t dare let us stay on the street. So, there I stayed. And for the first time in a loooonnngggg time, I took a deep breath. I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. Luckily, he didn’t know where my mom lived. I knew he wouldn’t make the effort to try to find me because I didn’t benefit him anymore.
For the next 3 months, I prayed. I fasted. I read my bible. I volunteered (because I am a HUGE believer that giving what you need emotionally to someone one else has built-in reciprocity). And then one day, I was sitting on the bed asking God what I should do for my next job. I knew I wanted a culture that would appreciate my ambition and work ethic by providing the right environment for quick growth. I had just started working in financial services. I really loved it, but I thought perhaps I needed to pivot. I don’t know how to explain it but to say it like it is – I felt something in my heart that said, “stay in finance”.
I immediately got scared because I thought “how can I explain that I was fired?”. But, after spending daily time increasing my faith, I knew I was being called to act on it. So, I started my search but with intention. If there was an employer that reached out to me that wasn’t in finance, I declined the interview. Because when the goal is clear, then anytime something comes up that isn’t aligned with the goal, it’s an easy decision. (It freaked out my mom, but I assured her I knew what I heard. Sounds a little crazy though, I must admit😄). I set my mind at the beginning of the day that it was going to be a good day because I was alive. I had shelter. I had food. I still had a car. I had my amazing son. I had this time to rest and recover. I reconnected with friends I had lost touch with due to isolation in my romantic relationship.
It didn’t matter how long it took, I knew what I heard, and I was going to lean on it and not my own understanding.
But then, my faith was tested on another level. I had received a call back from a hiring manager who was excited about my previous experience working at a brokerage firm and scheduled me for the next level interview. I celebrated. I was so happy! Guess what happened next?
The company ran a credit check, and I lost the opportunity before I could even get to the interview.
I cried so hard. I was angry. I felt betrayed. Here I was fortifying my mental strength and faith, having hope beyond hope, staying positive and grateful and I felt played.
A couple of days later, I had a breakthrough. I was washing dishes, and this feeling came over me so strong. I made a decision that no matter what job I was blessed to have next – whether it was cleaning bathrooms or working in finance – I was going to do it with excellence because it wasn’t about the job. It was about the One that saved me from a situation that I could see no easy way out of. I owed it to Him and the breath in my body to try and to care about how I showed up.
A few days later, I received another call from a hiring manager of a different company (the one I really wanted). I was asked the proverbial question, “so why did you leave your last position?”. Ya’ll! I was shaking 😄! But I told her exactly what happened. She told me that she would pass it to the next level and if they wanted to move me to the next step, I would receive a call back.
I let it go. I intentionally enjoyed every single day. I knew my situation was temporary. I could feel it. After a couple weeks, I assumed I didn’t get the second interview. Test time! How was I going to react now? I stayed true to my word and kept it moving positively. And then something told me to check my spam and there was the email I had been waiting for!
When I got the yes from the company I really wanted to work for, it was clear why I had to get the no first. It’s easy to think we are so healed that we don’t need to do the work to maintain healing. That “no” showed me there was more work to be done internally.
That was in September 2018. The new job gave me more than what I was expecting. I was paid to obtain my series 7 license (a license for stockbrokers). Three months later, I received my first promotion. They increased my salary by over $11,000. Nine months thereafter, I received my second promotion. My salary increased another $13,000. In 13 months, my new job had paid me an increase of $24,000 from my starting wage. The second promotion was a management position.
But before I received my first promotion was when I started to get the itch to take care of my money better. Debt actually began to feel like a burden to me. I wanted out of my mother’s home. I wanted to be the lady of my household once again.
So, in January 2019, with all the anticipation and excitement of a new year, I pulled my credit reports, began listening to personal finance gurus, learned about credit, and made a plan. Once I became aware of the numbers, I had to accept that it was not going to be an overnight turnaround. We tend to overestimate our efforts and underestimate the time it will take to realize the change.
And that’s what makes this journey more than about the money. You have to have emotional integrity and strength to stick to a long-term plan, to iterate, when necessary, to say “no” to some things for the moment so you can say “yes” to what you really want later.
I didn’t know at the time that a promotion was coming so quickly, but I prayed for it, and I worked for it. Every day I built my personal brand. I prayed for guidance, and I followed what aligned with what I knew to be true. I let small things go. I paid attention. I found a hole in the process where I could be of service. I let my desires be known. And I had leadership who actually saw me and created ways for me to be seen by others.
Before I received my first promotion, I would volunteer for overtime to make more money. I called creditors to make compromises. I saved, and saved, and saved some more. I automated everything that I could. I found ways to have fun times with my son without spending a lot of money. I reconnected with friends that I lost due to isolation in my romantic relationship.
I built habits. I built systems. I built discipline.
So, when my car died in August 2019, I had the money and the credit score to get another car the same day. And when I received the second promotion in November of 2019, it was only the beginning.
Now, six years later, I have been holding it down – all by myself! I can look back and know that my pain was not wasted – not one tear, not one sleepless night, not one anxious day. I made it through so that I could come back and get you.
Sis, I want you to know that this is not a money-making, get-rich-quick scheme. This is my calling. This is my testimony. This is what I am born to do. Not to just teach you about stewarding money well, but more importantly, to show you the way out of your dark space. If I described all the things I have been through, this post would be too long. But just know, you have a “big sis” who has been there and will not leave you behind.
I got you. We will get through this together. And NONE of your pain will be wasted.
Until next time,
Tish ❤️
If you feel the need to unburden yourself, this is a safe space. Comment below if you resonate with my story and share with me how I can serve you well.
The Everyday Woman Money Coach 
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